Things your yoga teacher won’t tell you

Not all yoga is good. Ha! I said it. Just had a vertebra removed/hernia operation/six months pregnant and your doctor told you ‘yoga might help?’ Then this Power class is for you.

When we say ‘notice any intense feelings in this pose and let them go,’ we mean ‘Stop looking at me like I’m Hitler.’

Don’t giggle when we say ‘perineum’. Think about the muscles of the pelvic floor. How would YOU describe them?

What now for yoga’s guru model?

Revelations that the former leader of Satyananda’s Australian ashrams abused children for decades have shocked the yoga community worldwide. Meanwhile, police are investigating the spiritual director of two more Australian ashrams amidst claims of sexual abuse. Is it time to do away with the guru model? 

Is it time to end the three-month ‘don’t tell’ pregnancy rule?

You’re idly scanning your Facebook feed, past photos of organic seedlings and Andalusian beer, when suddenly a black-and-white splotch claims top spot. Your first thought: Christ on a stick! My friend is pregnant with an out of focus baby! Your second: How did they keep that secret for twelve weeks?

When vulnerability backfires

It’s the final episode of a six-part series documenting a celebrity’s ‘journey to sobriety’. She’s getting flak for being unreliable during the shoot. “Nobody knows this, and I never told anybody before, but I actually had a miscarriage during filming,” she says, eyes wandering. Off camera, we hear someone gasp. The celebrity wipes at a tear then smiles at someone at the producer. “You guys love this shit when I cry.”

A night at the domestic violence crisis support centre

Most callers to the Women’s Information and Referral Exchange (WIRE) are seeking help in relation to domestic violence and financial abuse. I spent a shift with the phone workers and collated their stories into one ‘as told to’ story:

We always get a lot more domestic violence related calls following public holidays. The Easter weekend has just passed; I have a stack of messages from women who couldn’t get through yesterday because the lines were so busy. After a cup of tea with the other two phone workers and our team leader, I begin the call-backs.

The awkward relationship with people we pay to touch us

My first massage was at 19, in Nepal. An ex-pat hippy picked me up on his scooter and took me to his house where he cranked up the heat, whipped off his shirt, and donned a Pat Cash sweat band. “I like to be comfortable,” he explained.

After a while he asked me to roll over and commenced that painful quad kneading, before working his way up to the chestal region. “Is that ok?” he asked. “There are a lot of important glands around there.”

The ‘boyfriend app’

If you can measure it, there is an app for it. There’s an app for tracking bowel movements, apps for calculating caloric input and output, and an app for measuring how much time we spend toggling between tasks. And as of last week? We have The Boyfriend Log, “the first-ever, colour-coded daily app that allows you to track the health of your relationship.”

Should your partner be your best friend?

Praise be to the internet, for it has allowed us to meet our insatiable appetites for Someecard-style ‘truisms’

“Do what you love, and you’ll never work another day in your life,’ is popular. ‘Happiest in love are those who marry their best friend,” is another. But are they accurate? Anyone who’s tried ‘doing what you love’ knows, there’s a word or two missing. But the true phrase, ‘Do what you love and you’ll never work harder in your life’, isn’t quite as inspiring. Who’d give up paid annual leave and a car park for that?